


The Voice Within The Light

by LadyStarFox, Poaxath



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben is mute, F/M, He has a dark background, He's the softest tol boi, I'm not sure if being mute classifies as needing a trigger warning, Rey is his #1 fan, Rey wants to climb his redwood, Smut, Writing As A Form Of Healing, author ben, but just in case, editor Rey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:34:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24133666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyStarFox/pseuds/LadyStarFox, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poaxath/pseuds/Poaxath
Summary: Potential trigger warning for being mute? I don't really know if that classifies, but just in case.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 44
Kudos: 135





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potential trigger warning for being mute? I don't really know if that classifies, but just in case.

* * *

Why had she come to Camino’s market again, she frowned while mulling over the answer. Craning her neck to search the freakishly tall shelves better suited for models or giants. 

That’s right. Rose and Finn were coming over for their weekly dinner together. Only this time they were bringing some friend of theirs to try and set her up with. He had some weird name too, like Wesley…no that wasn’t it...Wexley? That sounded better. 

Stopping her cart as she reached the baking aisle, Rey frowned once more at how ridiculous the shelf heights were. It was as if the owner was determined to have as many products in one store despite the lack of space it had, given it was in New York City. If they couldn’t go across then they’d go up to the ceiling. 

Yet for as ridiculous as Camino’s was, they did offer quality meats and produce for a price Rey couldn’t complain about. When a child was forced to grow up stretching every penny as far as it would go, finding deals was like second nature to her because of it. 

Grabbing a box of chocolate cake mix and throwing it in the cart, she tilted her head back to see that the icings that were placed two shelves out of reach. 

Grumbling under her breath, she set her foot on the lowest shelf and lifted herself up enough to place the other on the shelf above. A few boxes fell in protest to her toeing them out of the way. 

“It’s like they want a lawsuit on their hands,” she muttered, knuckles turning white as she held onto the small lip of metal, “I can see the headlines now, poor woman crushed to death by cake mix boxes and icing,” she continued, reaching up as high as she could, fingers teasing the edge of the icing container. 

“Finn will be sure to make a comment. Oh, she was like a sister to me." She mocked his voice while she kept talking to herself, “Always stuffing her face with sweets. At least she died surrounded by what she loved.”

A large, pale hand extended just above her own, grabbing the icing she'd been trying to reach. Warily, he kept his other hand at her lower back like he was prepared to catch her if she fell. 

As her feet settled firmly back onto the tile floor, he offered her the container with a soft, amused smile. 

“Oh,” she gasped, taking the container before looking up at her would be savior, “Tha—"

Words immediately failed her and her eyes grew wide as she took in the man before her. Tall. Slightly disheveled black hair as if he ran his fingers through it too often. Full lips and a larger than average nose, Rey would recognize them anywhere considering the fact that she studied his picture for years on the back of her favorite book after graduating high school. 

“You’re Ben Solo!” The pitch in her voice rose to a high squeak of disbelief. The man who wrote _The Voice in the Dark_ , that single handedly changed her life and put her on the path to her career as an editor, just helped her reach some icing. 

“Oh my god, you're Ben Solo! Oh god, you are my absolute favorite author,” a small part of her knew that she was fangirling in the middle of a supermarket, making a complete fool of herself, but who wouldn’t when they met a reclusive author like him. 

His cheeks pinked as he ducked his head and gave a small little shy shrug. Still, the smile on his face remained, flattered as he was by this lovely woman. She looked like she was meeting a celebrity, which he wasn't. He was just a guy that liked to write, and she was apparently a girl that liked the words he'd put to paper. He'd had a few people approach him in a similar fashion, but they were usually older readers, those that didn't really have any regard for personal space anymore. 

Hesitating for a moment, he held his hand out to her. 

His hand was warm as it swallowed hers in its grasp. She’d died and gone to heaven, she just knew it. This was a figment of her dying mind as she lay crushed by boxes and shelving units. 

“Wow,” she breathed to herself, hand falling back to her side. “Thank you, for that." She gestured at the shelves and the icing in her cart. “Camino’s isn’t built for short people like me. I’m sure you have people asking for you to reach things all the time when you come here." A blush crept into her cheeks as she rambled. 

Fiddling with her hands, she pushed through, “Your book, _The Voice in the Dark—_ amazing. I’ve read it a hundred times. But, it—well _you_ actually, are the reason I went to school to be an editor. I’m an aspiring author too, maybe…maybe we can grab a cup of coffee and chat sometime?” She couldn’t believe that she was shooting her shot with Ben freaking Solo in the middle of the baking aisle. Finn and Rose would never believe her.

“We could swap trade secrets?” Her tone was teasing when he remained silent through her ramblings. Bless him, he was a gentleman too. 

The smile he'd shared with her was still polite, but now it seemed to be tinged with sadness too. Awkwardly, he rubbed the back of his neck as he glanced down to the ground before meeting those _gorgeous_ hazel eyes of hers. They grabbed his attention and sucked him in, almost forcibly with how excited they were.

And then reality came back to him and he tried to explain in the best way he could. He opened his mouth and made a gesture with his hand like words were coming out and shook his head with an apologetic shrug before he shoved his hands deep into his pockets. 

It took a moment as her head tilted in confusion before it all clicked and she clapped her hand over her mouth. He couldn’t talk and she had just gone on and on like an idiot. 

“I’m an idiot, I am so, so, so sorry!” Apologizing profusely, she could feel the heat of embarrassment rise in her face. 

It all made sense now. Never any book signings with meet and greets. No tours to promote his book. The severely lacking amount of interviews done with him. His books were his way of communicating. 

Frowning now, he shook his head quickly and tried to capture her gaze so that he would hold her attention. He waved his hand, the gesture and his expression saying that it wasn't a big deal. 

And then he leaned back and used his hands to sign at her. 

_Do you know ASL?_

Watching his fingers and hands move and make gestures she knew were for words, she just couldn’t decipher it. Laughing nervously, she shook her head with a sad smile. 

“I don’t think the signs they teach babies counts as knowing sign language,” Shrugging, she ran through a few of the signs she did know. Thank you, more, milk, poop, all gone, and her non baby sign favorite, fuck you. 

Giving a silent little chuckle, he nodded and reached into his back pocket for his phone. Pulling up the notepad application, he tapped quickly at the screen before holding it up so that she could read.

_It's all right. You couldn't have known and I'm not offended—no need to be sorry. :)_

It felt odd to speak out loud when he couldn’t. “I still am though, sorry, I mean. I was just rambling on and fangirling over you in the aisle and making things awkward when I asked you to chat…” she rubbed the back of her neck as she trailed off realizing that she was doing it again. Rambling like some love stricken teenager. 

A huff of air left him and he shook his head again, daring to reach out and lightly pat her shoulder before reaching for his phone again. 

_Really, it's okay. I promise._

_I'm really pleased you liked the book._

She hummed with a small smile. “I love it. It got me through some rough times,” she started to explain, “Do you think you’ll ever write a sequel? I’ve always wanted to know how Kylo’s life went on.”

_I'm not sure if I will or not, to be honest. Kylo certainly has a story beyond that book, but I don't know that it's worth writing down._

He shrugged almost helplessly, looking up at her again. 

“Well I think Kylo’s worth it. He went through a lot and he deserves a happy ending.”

He studied her for a period of time, eyes inscrutable as he thought about her words. Maybe Kylo did deserve to have his story finished for those that cared to know. It had by no means been close to done with the first book, and the character hadn't found his peaceful salvation. 

_What's your name?_

“How rude of me, I’m sorry!” She offered her hand again even though they’d already shaken hands, “I’m Rey Johnson.”

_It's been nice to meet you, Rey._

He'd typed after shaking her hand again. It took another minute for him to finally get up the courage, but when he did, he asked.

_Did you still want to chat over some coffee?_

Her smile broke into a wide, toothy grin, “I’d like that a lot,” her voice was calm but inside she was a screaming mess of a fangirl. She was going to get coffee with Ben Solo. 

His lips twitched in response to her enthusiasm, and he waved his phone before holding his hand out to her. 

It took a second to understand his request, humming to herself as it clicked. She unlocked her phone and handed it over to him, mesmerized by his large fingers dancing over the screen. 

“There’s this cafe a few blocks from here I usually go to, Maz’s. It’s quiet and they have amazing scones,” she suggested before back peddling, “Unless you have another place in mind, I’m okay with whatever.”

Looking at her in surprise, he shook his head and held his hands up before tapping out a message as quickly as he could. 

_No, that's perfect, actually. Maz is an old friend of the family, and I visit there often enough that she knows my order. Saves my fingers a little bit more that I can just sign with her whenever I want to try something new._

He looked down at her cake mix and icing then, raising an eyebrow before glancing at her basket. 

_Did you have other plans? Should we reschedule?_

Right, dinner with Finn and Rose and this Wexley guy. Frowning, she briefly contemplated cancelling on her friends for another night. They would understand right? How often did you get the chance to meet your idol? 

It worried her that she might lose her chance. He could always go into hiding again. Ignore her calls and texts to meet up. She was just another fan that could be forgotten about. 

“No, it’s okay. I’ll reschedule with my friends for tomorrow." She was shaking her head as she explained. 

_Are you sure? If you have plans, I don't want to pull you away from them._

He gave her a stern frown as guilt flooded through him. 

_I really don't mind. I don't have any plans this weekend._

“But I,” she frowned looking at her watch. Alright, her friends may be pissed if she cancelled an hour before they were supposed to come over. 

Huffing, her lower lip stuck out a bit in a small pout. “Maybe you’re right. We can meet up this weekend,” she relented, looking at his basket to see a few perishable items in it. “Maybe when we don’t have grocery’s that need to be refrigerated.”

Smirking at her, he nodded as he finished typing on her phone before handing it back over to her and using his own again. 

_I put my number in there. I hope you don't mind, but it seemed easier than trying to tell you otherwise. When you're done with your friends, or whenever you have spare time, let me know when would work best for you for coffee. It's been a pleasure meeting you, Rey._

All she could do was nod and watch him continue on his way as the right words failed her. Exhaling a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding in when his frame turned at the end of the aisle, she stared down at her phone. It was a dream come true. She, Rey Johnson, a small time editor at the huge Resistance book firm in New York, was going to get to pick Ben Solo’s brain about the greatest book she’s ever read. 

Nineteen year old Rey would be so proud. 

* * *

The last touches to the icing were being put on the cake as the doorbell rang. Sucking the bit of chocolate from her thumb and dropping the spatula in the sink, she called out, “It’s open!”

"We're hereee!" Rose sing-songed as she and Finn shut the door behind them. "We brought alcohol and those little crab bite things that you like so much." 

As the shorter girl appeared in the kitchen, she set the little tray of food on the counter and gave Rey a quick peck on the cheek before going moving around her to stick the bottles of wine in the fridge to chill. 

“You know the way to my heart,” she laughed, greeting Finn with a side hug, “Crab and wine!”

“Or we just know your stomach,” Finn teased, cradling a case of beer and salad bowl in his arms. 

Rolling her eyes, she took the large salad bowl from Finn as she caught sight of this mysterious Wexley that Rose had been going on and on about to her with the phrases of, “You deserve time be happy,” and “If you and Wex get together then we can double date, and won’t that be fun?”

He wasn’t that bad looking, he was cute with his shorter hair and full beard and he had a kind face. All together it just didn’t do it for her. But she promised Rose that she would try and maybe once she got to know him it would. 

“You must be Snap,” she smiled at him, placing the bowl on the counter before shaking his hand, “Rose has told me a lot about you.”

"It's nice to meet you," Snap greeted with an easy smile before he chuckled nervously. "They really weren't kidding when they said you were gorgeous. I—sorry, I talk a lot when I'm anxious."

“Oh." The sudden compliment caught her off guard, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she stared at her feet, “Thank you,” offering him a smile when more words failed her. 

The feeling that she should compliment him back, but saying that he wasn’t so bad himself didn’t seem appropriate when she just met him. It also felt like a kinder way to say, you’re alright but not my type and Rey didn’t want to be rude. 

“Hey! How about we eat so I can get a slice of this cake that has my name all over it,” Rey was grateful as Finn butted in. Swatting at him as he dared to swipe a finger across the top of her perfectly swirled icing. 

"Sounds good to me," Snap shrugged nonchalantly as he handed over the small bowl of pasta salad he'd brought with. 

"So, Reyyyyy," Rose began as she fretted about in the kitchen. "What's new with you? It's been so long since I've seen you. A whole _seven_ days! Oh, my heart, I've missed you so!"

Finn just rolled his eyes. "God, Rose, you're always so dramatic."

Laughing, she clutched her heart and feigned agony over not seeing her friends in so long. “It has been absolute torture without you,” She pouted, wrapping Rose in a quick hug before grabbing the roasted chicken and veggies out of the oven. 

“But, _none_ of you will believe who I met today,” The grin was taking over her cheeks as they all gathered around the table. 

"Oh, I know this one! I know!" Finn said as he raised his hand and begged to be called on. Pausing for extra flair, he said in his best imitation of Christian Bale, "Batman."

"Daniel Radcliff," Rose suggested. "No, no, wait. _Harry Potter himself!"_

“Beyoncé,” Snap chimed in. 

“No,” shaking her head as they all sat around the table, “Better than all of those people combined,” she paused for dramatic effect as she looked at each one of them to drag it out, “I met _the_ Ben Solo! Can you believe it? Ben Solo in the middle of Camino’s, I died right in that baking aisle and went to heaven.”

Three sets of eyes stared at her, two of which were connected to people whose mouths hung open in shock while the third asked.

"Who's Ben Solo?"

Finn winced. Well, there went any chance of setting Rey up with Snap. 

"Who's Ben Solo? _Who's Ben Solo?"_ Rose asked, indignant on behalf of her friend. "He's only one of the most talented writers out there. He weaves together prose like it's poetry in motion. He makes you feel things you didn't even know you _could_ feel just from ink on paper. He's—" she turned to stare at Rey. "Is he as attractive in person?"

Risking a small glance at Snap who looked baffled and lost by it all, she turned back to Rose and sighed almost dreamily. “He’s like a living God, Rose, and he is so _fucking_ _tall!_ Like a redwood, Rose, a damn redwood tree.”

Pink colored her cheeks when she saw the tight line of Snap’s pressed lips while he stared at his plate. Biting at her lower lip, Rey refrained from elaborating more and busied her hands with filling her plate.

"Well? What's he like?" Rose pressed, looking like she was about to leap across the table and grab Rey by the shirt to demand answers. "You met him, you said. What did he say? Was he nice? Oh no, was he an asshole? They _do_ say you should never meet your heroes."

“He was nice, great actually,” she admitted, reaching out to pat Rose’s hand in a silent promise to tell her all the juicy details later. “We’re going to meet up for coffee later so I can pick his brain about all things books and becoming a successful author. The most interesting thing of all is that he actually can’t talk…”

"...he what?" Rose blinked. 

“Uhm, he’s kind of mute?”

Rose's eyes grew as wide as saucers at this new information. "So, he doesn't speak...at all."

"That's what mute means, yes, sweetie," Finn nodded, reaching out to steal a bite of food from her plate. 

"So we'll never know what his voice sounds like?" Rose pouted, almost visibly wilting at the idea. She and Rey had only fantasized about it _forever._

“Look on the bright side, Rose, at least he doesn’t have a higher pitched voice that could ruin everything about him for us. We can just blissfully live in ignorance of it now,” Rey reasoned, shoving a forkful of roasted potatoes in her mouth. 

“Do you think he was born that way?” Snap asked in the silence that followed, “Mute, I mean, or did he lose it in some accident?”

When they all looked at him with confused expressions, he continued on, “I read about it once. A bad strep throat or some virus, if bad enough, can destroy vocal chords.”

Finn frowned down at his own plate as he thought it over, shrugging before spearing a noodle from the pasta salad. "I dunno. I guess it could be possible, right? We're all really weak, even though the human body is also pretty strong. One wrong thing happens and it can affect you for the rest of your life."

"Did you see any sort of like trauma or anything around the area? Anything that might give us a clue?" Rose added. 

Rey shook her head as her thoughts filled of possibilities as to why Ben was mute. “No,” she murmured, still shaking her head, “I didn’t, he was wearing a turtleneck.”

Fingers wrapped around the stem of her wine glass, bringing it to her lips to take a long, deep sip. 

Finn hummed thoughtfully while Snap looked like he wanted to talk about anyone else. 

"Damn," Rose sighed. "When's your coffee date? Just so I know when to start bugging you about details afterwards. How do you plan to communicate with him? Does he like just stare at you until he gets his point across? I'm sorry, I have no experience with mute fellows."

Finn scoffed. "Sign language exists, Rose. As does the _written_ word. The guy _is_ an author."

“It’s not a date, Rose,” quick to correct her friend in front of the very man she had brought to try and set up with her. “And I don’t know yet, I’ve got to text him and schedule it. He wanted for us to go to Maz’s right after, but I couldn’t cancel with you guys.” 

“Could’ve fooled me,” Snap grumbled under his breath, obviously a bit put off by the entire situation. 

Frowning, Rey chose to ignore what she heard from the man. “He uses the notepad app on his phone, but he did try to sign to me,” she laughed a little with a shrug, “All I could sign back were the words they teach babies.”

Rose was practically vibrating in her seat, bouncing enthusiastically with unasked questions. Her mouth was pressed tight into a line, though, seeming to pick up on Snap's souring mood. 

"Well, whenever you schedule it, just make sure to let us know so we know who to interrogate if you go missing," Finn smirked. "Personally, I don't think he's the kind of guy to talk."

Rose smacked his shoulder with a glare. 

"Anyway, what else is new with you?" 

“No, enough about me,” waving her fork at her nosey friends before turning to Snap. “Finn tells me you work as a pilot for his company. That must be fun getting to fly all day.”

He seemed genuinely surprised and pleased that someone was talking to him, and he nodded as he cleared his throat, "Yeah, it really is. I get to do what I love and get paid pretty well for it too."

“That’s awesome,” she said with a small smile, “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. At least that’s what my college advisor said when they found out I wanted to be an editor.”

"Sounds like good advice," he agreed. "Hopefully it stays like that—as a job you enjoy rather than one you dread."

Rose lifted her glass of wine. "Cheers to non-shitty jobs and great friendships!"

There was a chorus of "Cheers!" that was followed by glasses clinking. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you all enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

She waited until Sunday to text him, much to Rose’s displeasure. Her exact words were, “As someone with experience in men, you don’t leave men like Ben Solo waiting.” Rey has rolled her eyes so hard that she was pretty sure she saw stars because of it. 

The main reason she waited to text him was the embarrassing way she had reacted at Camino’s. All eager and fangirling. The last thing she wanted was him to think of her as some sort of amateur author who got stars in her eyes whenever she met her hero’s. 

The blinking cursor stared up at her, just waiting for her to type out the words to confirm a day for their coffee date that wasn’t an actual date. Right? This wasn’t a date, it couldn’t be. It was just two adults meeting up to discuss writing and the woes of being an author. 

Definitely not a date. 

Biting at her lower lip, her thumbs moved quickly over the keypad and hit send before she could think it over anymore. 

> **Rey**
> 
> _Hi, this is Rey. I’m the girl you helped at Camino’s with the icing, lol. Uhm, I was just reaching out to see when you were free for coffee? Maybe we could meet up later today? No rush, just whenever, let me know :)_

She stared at the screen for a while, waiting to see if that little _Sent_ text just below her message would switch over to _Read._

It didn't. At least not for at least an hour, until a message pinged back to her phone. 

> **Ben**
> 
> _Hello, Rey. It's nice to hear from you. I thought maybe I'd scared you off._
> 
> _I'm free the rest of the day, though._
> 
> _And sorry, I was having brunch with my mom_

> **Rey**
> 
> _Oh, you don’t have to apologize for that._
> 
> _Would you like to meet at Maz’s in an hour?_

> **Ben**
> 
> _Sure, that sounds lovely. I'll see you then._

The minutes leading up to the time she had to leave dragged at a glacial pace. Each second feeling like ten and each minute an hour before she could lock the door to her apartment behind her and she found herself standing outside of the cafe way too early. 

Sitting at the small table near the window, her thumb tracing around and around the lip of her mug, she reasoned with herself that twenty minutes wasn’t too early. Simply proactive. Any number of things could have happened and she would have been late. The subway was late. There was a car accident. Giants rats came up through the grates and started attacking people. All of them believable in the wonderful city of New York. 

"You look like you're about to shake out of your boots," Maz's laughter echoed beside her. "What's on your mind, girly?"

Gasping at the unexpected voice, she stammered in response, “Oh! Oh, I, uh…I’m just-just anxious about this meetup I’m having,” shrugging as she looked at the small woman with thick lenses over her eyes. 

Leaning her hip against the edge of the table, Maz wiggled her thin eyebrows back at the younger woman. "Why, got a hot date? Coffee shops are always the 'go-to' destination for a public date. Just make sure whoever it is keeps his hands to himself. I'll make an exception for playing footsie under the table."

“It’s not a date!” The words rushed past her lips a fraction too loud causing a few people to stare in her direction. Ducking her head, her gaze firmly set on the mug clasped in her hands as heat flushed her cheeks. “He’s just this author that I’ve admired since I was seventeen years old and I finally got to meet him the other day,” risking a glance at the older woman as she offered Rey a kind smile, “Can you believe that a famous author just willingly agreed to meet up with a fan as if it wasn’t a big deal?”

"If that famous author is Ben, I sure can," Maz nodded, placing her elbow along the back of the chair and leaning her chin in her hand. "That poor boy is so lonely, and I'm sure he's just grateful that you liked his book."

The memory of Ben telling her that the owner of Maz’s was a family friend merged with the realization that the kind eyes woman before her was Maz herself. Swallowing the sudden lump in her throat, she shook her head, “You say that like he doesn’t have any friends.”

"He does, just...one," Maz conceded, eyeing this girl curiously. "You've obviously read the book, as have I. Let's just say that almost every word within those pages has happened to him."

“What…what do you mean it _happened_ to him?” She asked, the heart wrenching scenes Kylo had gone through at the cruel hands of Snoke flashed through her mind. Her chest tightened to imagine it happening to a person she knew and not a fictional character. 

Maz glanced around quickly before leaning in closer to Rey. In a low voice, she told her, "Snoke was a real man, and everything in that book that happened to Kylo, happened to Ben. After Ben got out, after being unable to speak anymore, he decided to write it at the behest of his therapist. But you didn't hear any of that from me."

She was going to throw up. Her stomach twisted into a hard knot as she processed this information. Shouldn’t Ben have told her this? _Would_ he have ever told her? It felt a bit like a betrayal to find all this out without his permission. A sudden breach of privacy even if he did write a book about it. 

“I, uh—yeah, didn’t hear a thing,” she mumbled. 

"Maz!" A voice from across the shop called. When the older woman turned around, the man calling continued, "You got any of them gingerbread cookies coming in any time soon?"

With a pat to Rey's shoulder, she headed off. "That's not until Christmas time, you know that, Wedge. I'll bring you one of those scones you like so much though."

A clearing throat behind Rey was all the warning Ben could really give her that he was behind her without it being obnoxious. He didn't want to startle the poor girl, and as he stepped into her field of view, he raised his hand in a gentle wave before gesturing at the chair across from her. 

It felt wrong to smile up at him like nothing was wrong. As if Maz hadn’t just rocked her entire view of the man she idolized. Nodding for him to join her, she raised her mug to her lips as she took a slow sip. 

“Thanks for agreeing to hang out with me,” she finally said, holding her mug close to her chest like a small shield. “I hope you don’t mind being bombarded with questions.”

Shaking his head, he settled down across from her and offered her a smile. He honestly didn't mind the questions, especially since she wasn't asking them to be nosy, but rather because she cared about the story and wanted to make her own successful, too. Truthfully, if he was honest with himself, he hadn't been able to get her out of his head since that day in the supermarket. 

Her eyes were just so expressive and her smile was so bright, and yes, he already knew she was drop dead gorgeous. His initial thoughts hadn't been clouded, because here she was again, lighting up this room like a miniature sun. She'd been all too easy to spot whenever he'd come in. 

His eyes dropped to the mug on her hands, and his smile broadened. She was a latte girl, huh? It made sense, he supposed. His own coffee he enjoyed black, which made it somewhat pointless to really come to a coffee shop in the first place. Well, the slightly higher-quality blend made up for it. Maybe. 

Pulling open the messenger bag he had been carrying with him, he set a tablet on the table facing her and a wireless keyboard in front of him. He made sure the two devices were paired up before navigating to a bigger version of the same notepad application he had on his phone. From there, he typed out what was on his mind. 

_How are you, Rey?_

Impressed with his set up, she smiled as the words were typed on the screen. It was certainly an effective way to communicate when sign language wasn’t an option. “Can’t complain, just a smidge nervous,” she admitted with a light laugh, “How are you?”

Rather than just throwing out a generic response meant to just answer the question, he mulled it over before slowly allowing his fingers to dance across the keyboard.

_I'm all right. My mother doesn't know you, but when I told her I was meeting with you, she told me to tell you she says hi. So Rey, my mother says to tell you hello._

He was grinning to himself now at his own little joke. 

“Well you can tell her that I asked you to tell her hello back,” she laughed. 

She found it endearing how he seemed to be close to his mother. While the small voice in the back of her mind whispered how a mother could let such horrible things happen to their child. Shoving the voice deep into the recesses of her mind, determined to not let this time be ruined by the horrid truth. Yet her eyes kept finding themselves glancing at his neck in search for any hint of damage. 

“She must be nice, your mother, did she think this was a date, too?” Waving her hand between them, “I met Maz before you came and she thought I was here for a date. I was apparently exuding nervous energy.” 

The blush that colored the tips of his ears made him glad that his hair was long enough to keep them hidden. So apparently his mother wasn't the only one, was she? Maz, the troublemaker she was, had probably already told Rey that he was going to propose to her or something. Which was utterly ridiculous. He didn't even know what her favorite color was!

_Yeah, she did. And I didn't exactly correct her. I mean, I told her that you were asking me questions about writing, but she didn't care about that._

He peeked up at her.

_Not to say that this is a date or anything. I mean, I wouldn't mind if it was._

It was her turn to blush as his words stared at her from the small screen. He wanted this to be a date? Internally she screamed that she should have put more effort into her outfit or thrown on a bit of makeup. Instead she sat across from him in jeans and an old shirt that said ‘Who needs people when I have books’. 

If she was honest with herself, she wouldn’t mind if it were a date too. Who wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to date their celebrity crush. “Maybe the next one we can classify as a date,” the bold statement surprised her as it left her lips.

Eager to change the topic after her sudden admittance, Rey rested her chin in her hand as she rested her elbow on the table. Knowing what she did now, she couldn’t ask her original questions of where he got the idea or the inspiration. Couldn’t ask where he found the muse to write. Instead she told him, “I had all these questions planned. Years worth of wondering how you created such a life altering book,” pausing to gauge his reaction, she continued, “She told me. Maz told me why you wrote it before you got here.”

He froze, the shy little tilt of his lips disappearing as he somehow paled even more. Staring at her, his heart thundered against his ribs. Maz, that fucking—

His face morphed into a scowl as he shot the woman in question a dirty look. Anger was seeping into his expression, his hands trembling before he clenched them into fists. What did Rey think of him now? He didn't want pity—that was why he'd changed names in the book and hadn't told anyone outside of family why he'd written it. 

_She had_ _no_ _right_ _._

“I’m so sorry,” she could tell how upset he was about the situation, but she couldn’t not tell him about it. It would eat at her until it just came spilling out. “She told me not to say anything, but it felt wrong too.”

Her shoulders lifted in a slight shrug while she studied the grain of the wood tabletop. “For what it’s worth, it makes more sense as to why I relate to your book so much. We’ve both been through a lot as children, you more so than me.”

His anger seemed to dissipate immediately, his face softening as he brought his eyes back to her. What did she mean she’d related to the book? What had _she_ been through? There was a burning desire to ask her, to know why exactly she felt like they might have something in common. Instead, something propelled his hand to reach out across the table. 

He laid it palm up, a silent invitation to let her know he wasn’t mad at her. 

Eyes flickered from his hand to him then back again. She slowly placed her hand in his, once more aware of how they dwarfed hers. “You’re not alone,” she murmured. 

Giving her a gentle squeeze, he dipped his head at her before slowly pulling away. Immediately, he missed the warmth of her hand, how her skin had felt against his own. He wanted the touch, even if it was something as simple as creature comfort. He wanted to strip them of their clothing and to lie together with as much of their bodies touching as possible. 

It wasn't even about sex, though, yes, she was utterly fuckable. It was about being touch-starved and needing to meet that need with someone that understood. 

Looking down to the keyboard, he finally let out a breath. 

_Ask what you want to ask, Rey._

Maz was right, Ben was lonely. She could see it just there behind his eyes. The need to be wanted. She knew that feeling well growing up, but then Finn and Rose came into her life and helped fill that need. 

Breathing in deep through her nose, she settled back in her seat, “What made you want to publish something so…so personal?”

He frowned down at his hands, thinking over her question. Why? He wasn't sure he could explain exactly what had gone through his head at the time he'd sent off the manuscript, or what had made him feel like he needed to share it. 

_I guess I was all right with telling the story if no one knew it was about me. It could just be a work of fiction like you thought, and maybe it would inspire others. Either in their writing career or in knowing that there are others out there like them._

“Do you wish that Maz hadn’t told me?”

_It's more that I wish I had told you instead of her. She had no right to tell my business to a stranger. No offense, of course. It's just that it's very personal to me and I don't like that the choice was taken from my hands._

“None taken,” waving her hand as if to remove it from the air, “Do you have any advice for aspiring authors like me?” Smiling in an attempt to lighten the mood. 

_Don't let people put you down. You're going to have critics before you even publish anything. They're going to read what you wrote and pick it apart, but just remember that there are people out there that would love your book. It's difficult, but it's worth it._

He took a sip from his own coffee, letting the heat from the mug warm his hands. 

Solid advice, but it wasn’t anything that she hadn’t already encountered before when editing. She was a critic herself to the company’s clients, but she always tried to be kind about it. Make suggestions, not demands was her mantra. 

“Okay, personal question,” a mischievous glint in her eyes that matched her eager grin, “Are you single? And before you answer it, know that my life was threatened by my best friend Rose if I didn’t ask.”

He blinked at her slowly, like a deer caught in the headlights. 

It was harder than it should be to nod his head yes, that he was single, if only for the fact that he couldn't believe this beautiful woman was asking him that. Threatened by a best friend or not. 

_Why is your best friend concerned if I am single or not?_

“Honestly, she’s a very nosy person and probably your number two fan … I’m the first, _I_ introduced her to your book,” her expression growing very serious for a brief moment before her smile broke it. Pulling her foot up into her chair, she rested her chin on her knee, “She may also like to play matchmaker…” 

Smirking slightly, he shook his head before playing along. 

_Well, we wouldn't want to disappoint her now, would we?_

“I think a marriage proposal will satisfy her,” she teased as her cheeks warmed to a rosy color. 

Huffing a breath of air through his nose, he nodded in agreement. 

_It sounds like you may be right. For now, though, do you think she would settle with me asking you on an actual date?_

“Perhaps,” she mused, “Are you asking me out, Ben?”

_Would you say yes if I was?_

He was watching her intently, trying his best to ignore the thudding of his heart. 

Leaning forward in her chair, she pushed his tablet to the side so nothing was between them. “Do you think I would say no to you?” 

Swallowing hard, he took in the expression on her face, trying his best to determine exactly what she was thinking, what she wanted him to do or how she wanted him to react. 

He was fairly sure that his hand was trembling under the table, and he knew without a doubt that his palms were clammy. 

Shrugging faintly, he tilted his head to the side. It was entirely possible she would say no. He didn't want to come across as cocky or arrogant, but he knew he could look worse than he did. 

Reaching her hand out like he had done before, her palm up she wiggled her fingers in a silent request for him to take it. 

His shyness was endearing. She wanted to wrap him in her arms and just hold him. Protect him from all the bad in the world. Show him the level of affection he deserved in this life. 

“Ben,” her voice soft amid the chatter of the cafe, “Ben, I’ll say yes. Just ask me…”

Wiping his hands on his pants, he shifted to lean forward and reached across the table to grasp her hand carefully between both of his own. Keeping eye contact with her, he tried to pour the question into his eyes while giving her hand the slightest of tugs. And while he may not be able to speak, he was still able to mouth the words.

_Rey, will you please allow me to take you on a real date?_

Giving his hand a slight squeeze in return she nodded, “I’d love that,” she murmured back. 

Her heart felt like it was about to break through her rib cage. A date... with Ben Solo. How was all of this real life? She must have pleased some god or another to be so lucky to have all of this happen to her. 

_Thank you,_ he mouthed before lifting her hand to his lips to lay a soft kiss on the back of it. 

As he released her hand and grabbed his keyboard again, he frowned faintly.

_Are you sure? You wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen with someone that can't speak?_

Giggling, she shook her head at his question, amused how he was trying to give her a way out. “If I cared that much about you being mute, I wouldn’t have said yes to a date let alone be sitting with you here now,” she paused, studying his face that she seemed to know so well already. Mapping the soft beauty marks that dotted across his features. “Would it be embarrassing for you? I can learn sign language if it makes it any easier,” she offered. 

One corner of his lips twitched at her question, and he shook his head lightly. 

_Only if you want to. It would be better than carrying around my tablet all the time, but I don't mind either way. I can adapt to whatever you prefer._

“Well I’m going to need a teacher to learn,” she smirked. 

All he could do was nod and give her that same shy little smile. The one that said he was thrilled beyond belief, but also terrified at the same time. 

_Lucky for you, I know a guy that can help._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really fucking soft. Also, it's barely been edited, and seeing as Poaxath is working an 85 hour week to get her store open again, she's too tired to do it at the moment lol.

Ben was in love with her, completely and utterly. They’d been together for just over five months, and he knew it as positively as he knew the sky was blue and the sun would rise again the next morning. Rey Johnson was exactly what and who he’d been waiting for his entire life.It seemed like a whirlwind romance—they’d gone on their date together, and when he hadn’t scared her off of the first one, he asked her to go on a second, and then a third, until he finally allowed himself to kiss her. So while he had been physically slow to kiss her, when he did, it had stolen his breath away.

Her mouth was just so soft and warm, and he could be content to kiss her for hours on end. He’d invited her over for dinner one night, which was then followed by dessert and a movie that neither of them really paid attention to. Instead, they spent that time making out, exploring each other’s mouth until he could map it from memory. 

And when they’d finally gone the whole distance, he’d known as he’d nudged his cock inside of her and slid home that this was where he wanted to stay for the rest of his life. Rey never made him feel like a lesser person for having to communicate in different ways, or when sometimes, on the nights she stayed over, he would wake up breathing hard, choked little noises coming from him as he struggled to push the nightmare away.

When she’d grabbed him and pulled him down to her and held him until he’d fallen asleep again, he’d realized just how protected she made him feel. And when that didn’t always work, she’d distract him in other ways, usually pulling him down for a kiss as she’d wrap a leg around his hip and urge him inside of her. 

It was far too soon to be in love, but somehow, it wasn’t soon enough. He’d been fascinated with her since that very first day when he’d helped her in the supermarket, and it had cascaded from there until Ben couldn’t imagine a life before her.

Tonight wasn’t necessarily a special night by any means. She’d been planning to come over again, and he couldn’t wait for the scent of her to stain his sheets, or to hold her in his arms until she fell asleep first.

Chances were, she was already in his apartment, waiting for him to get back.

Despite the countless times she’s been over to his home, it still managed to take her breath away at the luxury it was. Everything was monotone and predominantly black, but it worked. The massive windows not only gave a stunning view over the city, but helped brighten what could have been a home comparable to a dungeon with how dark it was. 

The raw brick walls in his kitchen helped offset the black cabinetry with the almost floor to ceiling window it had. The cool black marble chilled the soft flesh of her thighs as she sat on the counter wearing nothing but one of Ben’s soft tee shirts. It was routine now that he had given her a key to his place. 

Pretend to sneak in even though he knew she was coming over. Undress completely and throw on something of his, just to be surrounded by his scent while she lounged around. Oftentimes she was in his library, reading through his collection of books curled up in the overstuffed chair in the corner or working on her own at his desk by the window. 

Today though she wanted to surprise him. Dinner was in the oven and afterwards she planned on being dessert. Having dropped a pretty penny on a new lingerie set that was sure to make him drool when he saw it. 

Smirking to herself, her legs swung listlessly as she raised the glass of red wine to her lips. She couldn’t remember a time before this where she had been so happy and safe. Ben Solo had her heart from the first day she read his book, now he had her soul.

He came in with a simple click of the door, and he took his time in taking his scarf and jacket off to lay on the coat rack. Something sure smelled good. That settled the question of if she was here or not, then. As he followed his nose into the kitchen, he stopped and stared when he saw her wearing an old shirt of his. 

The things it  _ did  _ to him, to see her clad in something of his. It was a way to signal that she wanted to be surrounded by him, and his heart fluttered at the thought. 

A smirk tugged at his lips as he leaned against the wall, looking absolutely like a fool in love. Her sign language had improved greatly, and with as smart as she was and her eagerness to learn, she had most of it down already. 

_ Comfortable?  _ He signed to her with a quirk of his eyebrow. 

_ Very, _ she signed back, her body wiggling on the counter in excitement to have him finally home. 

_ Come here, handsome, I missed you. _ Opening her arms and parting her legs enough so he’d fit between them. 

Grinning to himself, he went willingly enough. Immediately, he cupped her cheeks and greeted her with a tender kiss. First one on her lips and then another on her forehead as his arms wound around her. 

For all the love in his heart, he actually hadn't told her yet. That was going to change, he thought. 

Pulling away, he looked her over again, his hungry gaze lingering over the exposed skin of her thighs.  _ Have I told you how sexy you look like this? _

Laughing, she pulled him back in for another kiss. “You might have mentioned it before,” she whispered against his lips, “I think you should tell me again, just in case.”

Wrapping his hands under her thighs, he pulled her up his body and helped her wrap her legs around his waist all while never breaking the contact between their lips.

Hearing the oven click off from where it had been heating back to the correct temperature again, he made a groaning sound and threw a scathing look at the appliance. Loathe as he was to let go of her, he reached into his pocket and wrestled his phone out. Luckily, she was strong and able to keep herself securely attached to his body while he typed. 

_ How long do we have before dinner? Because I would much, MUCH rather show you what I think of you in my shirt.  _

Glancing at his phone, she huffed in gentle amusement before resuming her trail of kisses up the length of his neck to the underside of his jaw. “At least an hour, I’m making pot roast,” she murmured between each kiss. 

Making her way up to his ear, licking slowly along the shell of it down to the lobe, wrapping her lips around the soft bit of flesh with a gentle suck. Her legs gripped him harder so she could grind against him, her core rubbing a wet spot into his shirt. 

Inhaling sharply, he angled his neck to the side and carried her down the hall to his bedroom. His hands palmed at her ass squeezing and kneading at the softness of her before he pulled her legs from around him and threw her backwards onto the bed. 

His shirt was removed a moment later, tossed somewhere on the floor at his feet as he quickly shucked the rest of his clothing so that he was completely bare. At first, he'd been self conscious of the myriad of scars that decorated his body, from the ones at his throat to the others across his back and one on his abdomen. There more covering his biceps, with more slashing or puncturing here and there. She'd wanted to know more than what he'd listed in the book, because even with it being a psychological exercise, he still couldn't bring himself to write about everything that had happened. And to this day, he still hadn't told her. He hoped he'd be able to, one day. 

Lowering his body over hers, he slid his hand up underneath the front of his shirt until he covered just below her navel. 

Dear god, she was incredible. There was  _ nothing  _ underneath his shirt, and the sight of her tanned skin nearly drove him mad. But he'd be good. He'd take his time with gentle kisses across her stomach as he headed downwards. 

Whimpering under his touch she threaded the fingers of one hand through his thick, silky locks. She had found out the hard way that genetics played a huge part in how soft his hair was and that his hair care products only did so much for hers. Her gaze was glued to how he worshiped her body. How delicate his touches were yet filled with such purpose. He didn’t move them across her body just to feel her but to express his feelings for her. Rey had never felt so adored before. 

“Ben,” she breathed, reaching to skim her fingers along a few of the scars that decorated his arms. 

Lifting his dark eyes to hers, he brushed his nose ever so lightly along the top of her mound. Keeping their eyes locked, he silently dared her to say something else as he mouthed tenderly at the hood of her clit. He wanted to ignite her body, to hear her moan for the both of them at the amount of pleasure he gave her. 

Fuck, why didn't she live with him already? 

Oh, right, it could be seen as being too soon. But it just  _ worked.  _

Flicking the tip of his tongue out, he licked her slowly, capturing the exquisite wetness and dragging it upwards to tease across that sensitive little bundle of nerves. 

For someone who wasn’t able to speak, his mouth was mind numbingly talented. The way his lips and tongue teased and worked her had her coming harder than she ever had before with any toy or previous boyfriend. 

Whimpering at the hot contact of his tongue, her eyes fluttered shut as her hips lifted slightly off the bed. Blindly searching for more of his tongue to consume her. If he was going to take his time and worship her for just wearing his shirt, she could only imagine how he would ravish her in the new lingerie. 

“Ben,” she keened as his tongue dragged up through her folds again and his warm hands wrapped easily over her hips to hold her down, his thumbs almost meeting in the middle below her navel. “Ben, ah! … Aft-after dinner, oh  _ fuck _ ! .… surprise for y-you.”

He paused for a fraction of a second, absorbing her words before he pulled away altogether and leaned his head against her thigh as he looked up at her with expectant eyes. 

She cried out in frustration as he stopped. Her eyes flying open to meet his down the line of her body, “Hey! I said it’s a surprise you’ll get after dinner,” she teased, using the hand in his hair to try and guide him back to her pussy. 

Resisting her touch at first, he glared up at her, though not in a serious way. It was sort of comical to see the way she needed his tongue on her body. He loved this feeling of being needed. No, of being  _ wanted.  _ Rey wanted him, had pretty much begged for more in everything they'd done. She was the one to suggest taking their relationship to the next step, and then to the next. 

Grinning at the memory, he dove back down with gusto and ate at her hungrily, holding her hips down with an arm slung across them while he sucked as much of her clit back into his mouth as he could. 

A drawn out moan left her, her back arching up off the bed from his actions. Once again reminded how magically talented his mouth was. It was downright sinful. It had been hard to believe when she finally broke down his hesitation to have sex that he had only some one night stands under his belt. Skills like his took most men  _ years _ to hone. 

Her nails scratched across his scalp as she felt the warmth begin to bloom low in her belly. His mouth and the flicks of his tongue bringing her closer to the edge. 

Bringing one hand up, he pushed a finger into her in one fluid stroke, her wetness making the glide easy. Curling it inside her body, he stroked that one spot that felt so different than all the rest of her. He coaxed her orgasm closer, almost desperate for her to give it to him. 

He pumped in and out of her, stroking her on each little stroke. He could feel the tremble in her thighs beginning, the telltale sign that she was close. If only he could give her a dirty talk to help out. 

Her thighs closed in over his ears, holding his head captive as she neared that cliff. Soft pants mingled with her moans and whimpers of his name. Begging for him to send her off that precipice when a second finger joined the first. 

A rosy flush crawled it’s way from her cheeks down her neck to bloom across the tops of her breasts. Soon she was crying out his name, her fingers pulling at his hair while her legs shook with the waves of her orgasm. Three months since they started having sex and it still left her with jello filled limbs and a sheen of sweat on her body before he even put his cock in her. 

Oh, how it pleased him that she found her release with him. He'd always been sort of afraid that whoever he began a relationship with wouldn't be able to get off because he was doing something wrong. He'd practiced with a few women, but unfortunately, a lot of them had said that dirty talk was what pushed them over the edge. 

Unfortunately, that wasn't something Ben could fix, and so he'd left with his needs unmet and his heart heavy. 

And then there was Rey. She was just so  _ perfect.  _ He could see himself married to her one day, with their kids running around them while he played with them. 

Pulling away from her thighs, he crawled over her body and kissed her softly before laying next to her. Reaching up, he used the tip of his finger to turn her chin towards him. 

She looked blissed out, her eyes glazed and skin flushed. It satisfied some male part of him to know that he'd done that. 

Meeting her eyes, he held up his hand so she'd see it. 

_ I love you.  _

His declaration caught her off guard as she stared at his hand for several heavy seconds. He loved her. He loved her in a way that no other had before. Sure Finn and Rose loved her, but it was a different love than what Ben and her shared. 

Her heart swelled in her chest and pounded harder with the knowledge. 

Ben Solo  _ loved _ her. 

Taking his hand between both of hers, she kissed each finger he held up. Using his hand as leverage to climb over him so she straddled his waist, leaning over to litter his face with soft kisses as she worked her way to his lips. Hovering just over the fullness of them, her nose brushing against the tip of his, she whispered, “I love you too.”

For a moment, he'd been afraid he'd said it too soon, that she would withdraw and tell him that he couldn't possibly love her yet. She would have been wrong, but thankfully she didn't say that, and instead she said what he  _ needed  _ to hear. Someone unrelated to him loved him for who he was. 

Cupping her face, he pulled her lower lip between his own, using the pressure but no teeth to hold her there as he found her hips and gripped happily. His heart was singing, a steady thrum in his chest as he lifted her easily and shifted her hips lower down his body until the head of his cock just barely nudged against her. 

Whimpering at the teasing nudge, her hips fought in his hold to cant just a bit closer. To shift just an inch or so further down so his cock would notch between her folds and she could sink down his velvety length. Just the thought of it caused a shiver to run down her spine and a fresh wave of wetness to soak between her thighs. 

“Please…Ben,” she whispered, her hands coming up to hold his face as she leaned in to kiss him. Her lips soft against his, desperate to convey to him the depth of her feelings. How they’ve only grown and deepened since meeting him. 

“I love you.”

As he sucked in a sharp breath at having her say those words  _ again,  _ he held her up and rocked his hips back and forth so that the head of him slipped back and forth along the wet length of her cunt. Oh, how he loved this little cunt of hers, how it gripped him tightly and how it urged sensations out of him that he didn't even think he'd felt before. Or maybe he had and it just had never been worth remembering before. 

As he teased her, he kissed her hard and deep. He kissed her like he had merely loaned her the kiss, and he was demanding it back. It was probably the fiercest he'd ever taken her mouth, elated as he was and overcome by the passion in his chest and the lust in his veins. 

Her attempt at a growl of frustration sounded much like a little kitten who was trying to hiss. It was weak and laughable, but it got the message across. His actions were not only frustrating but highly arousing. It elicited a deep seeded need to be wanted and taken in every sense of the word as he claimed her mouth as his. Sliding her tongue along the length of his before pulling it between her lips with a gentle suck. 

Never one to be patient, her hand snaked down between their bodies. Her slim fingers grasping around his thick, hard length as she stroked up and then down slowly. Smearing her wetness and the collection of pre come, until he was coated entirely. 

Sinking her teeth into his lower lip, Rey notched the head of him securely between her folds before letting him go. Her pussy sunk down an inch, enveloping the head of his cock as her mouth traveled it’s way from his mouth, along his jaw line until she was able to suckle at his ear lobe. “I want you to cum in me tonight,” she whispered. 

The look he gave her after fisting her hair and pulling her back was one that both asked  _ are you sure?  _ and said  _ I wasn't asking if you wanted me to or not.  _ But the wet heat of her had stolen any form of coherent thought and he was pretty sure he probably looked like a man frenzied as he rolled them over and he pinned her into the mattress. 

Gathering her wrists in one hand, he dragged them up over her head and pinned her there while bracing himself on the bed on his forearm. And in a silent reply, he surged his hips forward and pushed inside of her until there was nowhere else for him to go. And then he pushed even further,  _ forcing  _ her body to take more. Just the way he knew she loved. 

It took her breath away as he seated himself fully inside. Her back arching off the mattress and her fingers struggling to find purchase as he held them above her. It was too much and not enough, playing just on the edge of pain and pleasure as his thick length nudged against her cervix. 

Wrapping her legs around his hips, the heels of her feet digging into the top of his ass, she lifted her hips just enough that she could fuck herself on his cock. A soft moan dragged from her lips as the angle had him rubbing that one spot inside her. 

Smirking deviously down at her, he let go of her suddenly and leaned back onto his knees, pulling out of her in the process. He circled his finger in the air with a wink, urging her to her hands and knees as he gripped her hips again. She wanted him to press right into her g spot? Oh, he could do that. He could do that just fine. 

Leaning across her back, he kissed along the back of her neck for a long moment to prolong the torture he knew she was feeling. And when he was sure she was finally going to snap, he pushed into her hard, thrusting with deep, powerful strokes that had goosebumps exploding along his body at how good she felt. He fucked her roughly, knowing she was in the mood for something a bit more...vigorous than lovemaking. And knowing that she loved him only fueled the power in his thighs, driving him deeper and deeper as the angle pointed him right against that spot she'd been using him to reach just a few moments ago. 

She cried out into the pillows, her nails raking down the sheets as he fucked her. The feel of his cock splitting her open as he drove in and out left her gasping for more. Their confessions having unleashed something between them that made it that much more heated. 

It didn’t take much to send her hurtling towards another orgasm. Her fingers found their way between her body and the bed, wet with her saliva as they circled her swollen bud. Her cunt tightened around him with the added stimulation, moaning his name over and over into the sheets as her legs began to tremble once more. The usual warmth low in her belly was a raging fire urging to be set free. 

He wished so hard in this moment that he could speak to her. That he could tell her to let go. That he would catch her, that he would protect her as she fell apart, and then he would put her back together. Fuck, he hated Snoke that much more now, and as his hands tightened until the point of bruising at her waist, he drove into her at a pace that was nearly frantic with its urgency. He needed to feel what he could feel was building inside of her. It was almost like the beginning of an earthquake. Slow at first, barely noticeable, and then all of a sudden, it was shaking the ground beneath your feet.

He was about to cum, he just knew it. Any moment now and he was going to, to— 

Stars. All she could see were stars as she came with a scream and a sudden gush of wetness. The force of it making her legs shake like a newborn deer as she felt him follow behind with a deep groan and the heat of his seed painting her inside walls. 

She could feel the evidence of what her body had done already seeping across the fabric, soaking it through to where her knees pressed into the bed. Deep in her mind she realized what she must have done, yet she couldn’t believe it. She had never done  _ that _ before, only seen it a few times in porn she had watched. Her blissed out mind too foggy to puzzle it out for the moment. 

Panting heavily behind her, Ben rubbed soothing circles up her back before pulling from her body and collapsing beside her. Only to drag her down with him as he stared up at the ceiling with a satisfied, sleepy gaze. 

_ That was the hottest fucking thing I've ever seen,  _ he signed lazily in the air, barely having the energy to even lift his arms. Turning his head to her, he added,  _ I fucking love you so much. You're perfect. _

Curling into his embrace, she laughed softly and pressed her face to his chest with a shake of her head. She was by no means perfect, but when he signed it with that look in his eye she believed it. “If I’m perfect, then so are you,” she mumbled, pressing a soft kiss to the firm muscle of his pec as she lifted her head enough to look at him. 

From the angle she could see the marks around his throat that had taken his voice from her. When he would wake up from his dreams, the groans and choking noises he made gave her a small glimpse of what his voice might sound like had it not been taken. Humming, she trailed her fingers across the puckered skin lightly. “I love you more than anything,” she whispered, tilting up enough to lay a kiss on the marks. 

Rubbing his hand up and down her arm, he closed his eyes as he kissed the top of his head before settling back against the pillows.

He didn't move for a long while, mulling over his thoughts and memories on the subject before he let out a soft sigh.  _ When I was younger, I knew this old man. Snoke. He claimed he had a job offer for me, that it was the opportunity of a lifetime. I, stupidly, fell for that scheme.  _

Watching his hands sign above her, she suddenly tensed in his arms at the realization of what he was telling her. She had only asked him once before to her about what happened. What he hadn’t put in the book. When he declined to answer she didn’t press, knowing he would tell her when he was ready. 

It surprised her when he was suddenly ready after they confessed their feelings and she had possibly ruined a set of his sheets in the process. Wrapping an arm across his middle, she squeezed him gently, “You’re not stupid.”

_ No, I was. It was the definition of if it's too good to be true, then it probably is. I began working for the man, running errands, doing stuff I considered mediocre.  _ He paused then to rub at his face.  _ He had things for me to do, people to speak with, to intimidate. I wasn't—let's just say I wasn't a good guy. I hurt people. I did terrible things in order to make him proud of me. I did it because he showed me attention. He talked to me whenever my mother or father were busy with their work for weeks at a time. He pretended to be my friend. I didn't realize then just how badly I was being used.  _

Rey laid there quietly, just holding him as he continued his tale. Swallowing as he retold her some of what she already knew and a bit of what had been left out of the book. He wasn’t that person now and it was hard to imagine him ever being what he claimed to be. 

_ I grew closer to him, became his right hand in his dealings. I was the person people didn't want coming after them.  _ The pause this time was michore pronounced.  _ And then I messed up, and he carved my throat out. He used this old blade he always kept on him. The thing about Snoke is that he was an ex surgeon. He knew exactly where to cut to know what would do what. The pain hurt so badly that I eventually passed out, and when I woke some time later, there was a bandage around my neck and I knew I'd never be able to speak again.  _

Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes at the mental image of his suffering. Pushing up onto her elbow, she cupped the side of his face, tilting it so he would meet her gaze. “Thank you,” she said softly, leaning down to press her mouth to his. Willing him to know how grateful she was that he had trusted her enough to finally open up about what had happened. That despite it all, it didn’t change a thing in how she felt for him. 

“You’re my person, Ben. Voice or not, I will  _ always _ love you,” she promised him. Glancing towards the bedroom door as the timer went off on the oven, she smiled as she turned back to him, “Come on, you need to eat if you’re to have any energy for my surprise tonight,” her voice lilted in happiness as her black lacy surprise waited, wrapped in white tissue paper and a black box in his closet, to be worn briefly before he hopefully either tore it off or removed it from her reverently.


	4. Chapter 4

Their relationship was anything but traditional. Dating for a handful of months and he had already asked her to move in with him. Of course she agreed, her reasoning was that the lease on her apartment was almost up and what was the sense in renewing when things were going as well as they were. His place had enough space as it was, if anything she helped to fill it up and make it feel more like a home. 

This whirlwind of their romance left her friends happy for her but a bit concerned that it might be moving too fast. 

“Just be careful, Rey,” Rose had begged her over brunch one Sunday morning. “I would hate for this to end badly.”

Rey laughed and shook her head, “It won’t end badly, Rose. I promise,” smiling she reached across the table and took her friends hand, “I wish I could explain how he makes me feel, Rose. Like I’m the only woman in the world to him. As if our souls are made of the same thing.”

A dreamy look was in her eyes as she sighed happily and Rose simply rolled her eyes with a shake of her head. 

“You are so gross,” Rose teased, pouring them more mimosas from the carafe. 

“Hey! It’s only fair, I had to deal with you and Finn being gross when you two started dating,” smiling, Rey lifted her glass up to cheers her friend, “To being gross with our boyfriends!”

* * *

Her vision was a smidge hazy around the edges and her gait a bit unsteady as she came home from her boozy brunch with Rose. One too many mimosas and not enough French toast to soak up the alcohol had her ready to curl up on the couch with Ben and take a mid day nap. 

Kicking her shoes off in the foyer, she called out, “Ben?” Shuffling down the hall towards the living room, “Bean, baby, I’m home, Rose says hi-“ her legs stopped when she found him sitting on the couch staring blankly out the window. 

Frowning as she moved around the furniture to him, sinking into the soft leather cushion beside him, “Ben, is everything okay?” She whispered, setting her hand lightly on his thigh. 

Looking as if he'd just awoken from a dream, he startled and turned to her. Blinking, he began to nod his head before he thought better of it and shook it instead. Instead of explaining, he just grabbed her hand on his leg and used it to draw her into his lap. Pulling her against his chest, he buried his face against her hair and closed his eyes tightly. 

Her arms wrapped around him snuggly, she sat in his lap and held him quietly. Rubbing soft, slow circles into his back as she hummed. She had never come home before to find him like this. Usually he was eager when she came home, not almost catatonic on the couch. Her thoughts couldn’t help but wander to the worst possible reasoning. Was it something about Snoke? Had his publisher dropped him for lack of a book? Was it something she had done? 

It didn’t take long for the unknown to overpower her and she was pulling away just enough to cup his face in her hands and force him to look at her. “Talk to me, Ben, what happened?” She whispered, kissing the corner of his mouth softly. 

Sighing quietly, he pressed his forehead to hers before leaning down further and kissing her in greeting. When he pulled away and rested back against the couch, he rubbed his hand against her back as he struggled to figure out how to explain. 

_There's a new procedure undergoing trials right now that could potentially allow me to talk again._

Tilting her head, her fingers played lightly with his hair as her brow furrowed. “That’s a good thing though, right?” She didn’t want to assume. As close as they had grown and as fast as their relationship had progressed, some things were still too sensitive to discuss. 

_It is good,_ he agreed. _It's more that it's been so long now that I don't know if I should. Or if I try it, what if it doesn't work? We'll have gotten our hopes up for nothing. And then, what if something goes wrong during the procedure? This article says it could be dangerous, being any type of surgery around the neck area._

Biting his lip, he looked down at her to gauge her reaction. 

_I can't decide if the risk is worth it or not._

“Hey,” she said softly, cupping his face once more between her hands, “We don’t have to decide right away. It’s still in the beginning stages, let’s keep an eye on it. See if it’s something that becomes available to you.”

Offering him a gentle smile, her lips brushed across his, wishing she could take his worry away. 

“No matter what you or we decide, I’ll be here. Good or bad.”

 _I thought,_ he began before dropping his hand and sighing in something like frustration. Reaching across to the end table beside them, he grabbed a black box and handed it to her, sort of impressed that it was still in as good of condition as it was given the age of the thing. _I thought maybe you'd want to hear what I sounded like._

Quirking an eyebrow at him, she turned the black box over and was greeted with a white sticker along the edge and written in neat letters was— _Ben going off to college._

Sliding the tape from the box she studied the VHS for a long moment. One, it had been _years_ since she last watched a VHS—probably decades if she actually counted back. Two, she had the opportunity to not only see Ben before his encounter with Snoke but to hear his voice too. She wasn’t sure if she was ready or not. Not that it would change anything for her, but it was some of the unknown that made her hands shake a bit as she held the bit of plastic. 

Meeting his eyes, she nodded once and crawled from his lap. Opening the doors to his entertainment system and finding the dust covered VCR wedged in the back she set it all up. Back in his lap, Rey pressed the play button before she could change her mind. 

The screen was black when the voices came through the speaker. 

_Han! Han, you have to remove the cap!_

_I did! …Oh, kriff…_

Grumbling followed with a sudden clicking noise then bright white light as the cap was taken from the lens. The camera panned up from a pair of brown dress shoes that had seen better days and a manicured lawn to a short woman with a braid wrapped over the crown of her head as she licked her thumb and reached up towards the looming boy beside her. 

_Come here sweetheart, you’ve got something on your face._

_Ugh! Mom, stop, I don’t want your spit on me!_

_Listen here young man, I carried your big ass for nine months and you came out of me. You’ve had worse than my spit on you._

The man behind the camera chuckled as young Ben gagged and tried to fend off his mother's advances. 

_She’s gotta point there, kid. Now just stand there nice so we can get this video thing she insisted on over with._

_Han Solo! It’s called creating memories, he’ll thank me one day for capturing this moment. Our baby boy, off to college, he was just learning to walk, it seems like yesterday…_

She hastily started to wipe away tears as Han could be heard groaning about here come the waterworks and young Ben rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. 

_Mommmm, please don’t cry. It’s just college, not the end of the world._

_It might as well be! Going halfway across the country! I’ll never see you, too busy off becoming a-a-a man!_

The tears came full force now as her short frame wrapped Ben in what appeared to be a death grip hug. 

Rey didn’t know when she had grabbed Ben's hand or when tears of her own had started to roll down her cheeks. His rich baritone voice carrying over the speakers and causing goosebumps to crawl down her arms. 

Giving her hand a reassuring squeeze, he kissed her fingers as he watched the video continue on to show him hugging her back, patting her back as he smiled into her hair. He may not always have gotten along with Leia, but younger Ben had loved his mother very very much. His dad, not so much. It wasn't that he hated the man or anything. He just didn't feel that paternal bond. 

Realizing that he was sort of cradling Rey in his arms with her head tucked under his chin, he pressed his lips to her forehead. 

_I love you, mom._

It was amazing hearing his voice. His reaction to coming across the article that opened the door to possibly having it back made so much more sense to her now. Before she hadn’t known what she was missing out on. Now though, now her heart wanted to be greedy. It wanted to hear those low, rumbling tones murmur her name. To tell her that he loved her. To share his day with her. 

Sniffling, she leaned into his embrace and hit rewind. 

_I love you, mom._

Rewind and play. 

_I love you, mo—_

Again. 

_I love you,_

And again.

_I love you,_

Tears streamed freely down her cheeks now and she started blubbering. Soft gasps for breath intermingled with sniffles as she wiped her dripping nose along the hem of her shirt. An absolute mess at hearing him saying those words. Hearing his _voice._

It did something different to her than seeing the love he had for her reflected in his eyes. 

“I love you, Ben,” she cried, tucking her face into his neck and held him close. 

Curling his finger under her chin, he brushed her hair back from her face. She really was the love of his life, the one person he wanted more than anything. Reaching for the remote, he rewound the tape again as he searched her eyes. His lips formed the words while the Ben on the screen said them. _"I love you."_

A fresh wave of tears burst forth and she swatted at him playfully. “That—That’s not fair,” her attempt at a laugh was masked by hiccups and more tears. 

It was wet and messy when she kissed him. As much as the sound of his voice warmed her to her soul, she didn’t care if the experimental surgery became a success. Rey hadn’t fallen in love with him for his voice. She had fallen in love with the man that he was. Kind, caring, smart and funny, a great cook, an amazing writer. If she never heard his voice again it’d be okay so long as she had him. 

Smiling at her, a tender, gentle thing, he hooked his arms under her legs and lifted her easily as he rose to his feet. Holding her close, he kept his lips pressed to her temple, unable to let her stray too far from his touch. It was a strange thing, having someone to love. Before he'd known Rey, he'd been content with his lot in life. Lonely, sure. In desperate need of physical contact, oh yes. But this feeling in his chest was indescribable. It was something he'd always longed for, but the real thing could never compare to his imagination. It was extraordinary. _She_ was extraordinary. 

Laying her gently on their bed—yes, _their_ —bed, he spread her legs and stepped between them so that he could lean over her and press his lips to hers once more. It was more than just the little kisses they shared throughout the day; this one was filled with love and adoration, the knowledge that whatever happened, he would still be there. 

His hands were planted on the bed beside her head, holding himself above her as he slowly claimed her mouth. 

She whimpered softly into his mouth, her fingers reaching up to weave themselves into his thick locks. Her legs did the same, wrapping around his waist in an attempt to pull his body closer. She wanted to feel his weight over her. Feel the security of his body enveloping her own. 

So many emotions courses through her. Unwavering love for Ben. Gratitude towards him for sharing that bit of him with her. Grief that his voice was taken so cruelly from him. Breaking her mouth from his, her lips traveled down his jaw to his neck. Brushing light kisses over the puckered flesh where that deep, rich baritone voice was taken from him. 

He wished so badly that he could whisper sweet nothings into her skin, that he could tell her just how much he appreciated her, how he would worship at her feet if she'd let him. He wanted to get her anything her heart desired, but he also knew how she felt about gifts. 

So instead, he drifted his hand down between them and slid his fingers teasingly into the front of her underwear.

* * *

Days later, with younger Ben’s voice still ringing in her ears, Rey found herself driving alone to Ben’s childhood home to meet with his mother. She had begged him to come along if only to tease him about his shorter hair and adorable ears that she loved so much. He had declined, informing her he’d rather be absent when his mother would inevitably break out the naked baby photos. 

The past conversation brought a smile to her lips as she pulled into the circular drive of the older plantation style home in upstate New York. With its stately white columns and red brick wraparound porch, and he black shutters stark against the crisp white boards, Rey felt like she was unworthy to set foot on the property. It was a different world. A more money driven world that she had never been privy to. She felt it even more so without Ben here to drag her up the steps. At least with him she had a reason to be in this part of the neighborhood. 

Leia had all but dragged her into the house with a hug that proved to still be death grip like. Pulling Rey to the sitting room where albums and home videos were already pulled out and on the coffee table ready to be fawned over. 

The sheer size of it was like a shrine to Ben. It tugged at her heart to see how adored he was by his family. How she had missed out on that with one of her own. 

Leaning back into the cushions with a laugh that started in her belly, she wiped away the tears in her eyes as she and Leia were tickled by the current video playing. It was of a young toddler Ben, no more than two, hiding behind the old television set—rather unsuccessfully—with a stern look on his face. A younger version of Leia’s voice laughing behind the camera as Han’s came through the speaker asking the young boy if he was pooping. 

As the video ended and their laughter died off, Leia moved to switch out the videos when Rey found the sudden courage to bring it up. 

“Ben came across an article the other day,” she said suddenly, staring down at her cold cup of tea in her hands, “For a surgery…”

"A surgery?" Leia asked curiously as she straightened and flipped through the stack of videos she had before her. "What for? He isn't sick."

“No, I know. It’s for his voice,” she shook her head and ran her thumb over the lip of the cup. “It’s still experimental and in trials, but if successful it could allow him to talk again. He seemed….he seemed pretty shaken by it.”

Leia froze at the news, staring with wide, dark eyes at the girl in front of her. "He—oh, my. My, my, my—oh, Rey. I don't...I don't know of any surgery that could repair damage like what he's suffered." Tears shone in her eyes as she cupped her mouth. "His vocal chords are completely severed. I don't mean to be the pessimist, but what sort of surgery is it?"

Meeting Leia’s gaze made her stomach drop, even more so when they glistened with tears. Swallowing down her own tears, knowing if one of them cried it was all over. 

“It’s invasive. From what I read and could understand between all the medical terms they’ve found a way to _grow_ vocal chords using stem cells and some micro robotics. They then attach these _new_ vocal chords to the ends of the damaged ones, connecting the separated ends.” Taking in a deep breath, she wiped quickly at a stray tear that broke past her defenses. 

“It’s _super_ risky, being in his throat and by his jugular. There’s not even a guarantee that it will work. If anything it could make things worse. I just… I have a bad feeling that he’s going to want to try it,” she admitted, “I can tell how much it frustrates him some days when he can’t speak to me.”

Leia was quiet as she paced around the living room, her eyes lost. Her hands alternated between rubbing her face, wringing themselves together, and cupping her neck before she finally stopped moving and turned to face Rey. "Rey, I love you. You know that, right? I love you like you're my own daughter, and I know that Ben loves you and I can see how much you care about him, but I need you to try to do something for me. Do you think you can do that?"

“I, oh, Leia, I dunno. I don’t want to let you down if I can’t...”

"I need you to try and persuade him away from this surgery. I just, I don't know if the risk is worth it. I'll have to read some studies and speak to some friends in the medical field to see what they know, but so far, it just seems like it's too good to be true and I don't want to lose my son," she whispered. "I know it's selfish, but I almost lost him before and I can't handle that again."

All she could do was nod and reach out to the older woman. Grasping her hand, she gave it a squeeze, “It’s not selfish, I don’t want to lose him, either.” The corners of her mouth lifted in a small, sad smile, “I’ll try my best to convince him away from it,” she promised quietly. 

"It's all my fault that he lost it to begin with," Leia mourned, the tears coming out to spill down her cheeks. "It's all my fault that he can't talk. Because if I hadn't neglected him as a child, he never would have found Snoke."

Seeing the normally poised and controlled woman start to break down shook Rey to the core as she scrambled to get the woman to join her on the couch. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders with a squeeze. “Don’t… don’t say that,” she frowned, hating the lack of words that came to mind. In a sense it was some of Leia’s fault that Ben had sought out the validation he yearned for in others. But it was cruel to outright say that she was the sole reason for it. 

“Snoke was manipulative and Ben was young. It could have happened to any one.”

"But they never would have met if I hadn't been working all the time," Leia sniffed, wiping her nose with a tissue. "I don't want him to try this surgery and for it to go awfully wrong. What if he gets hurt even worse?"

“We can’t think like that. We…we just have to convince him otherwise,” she reasoned, not sure if it was for Leia’s sake or more for her own. “I feel like some of this is my fault too, he wouldn’t even be looking into surgeries like this if he wasn’t with me.”

"How do you know that?" Leia asked with a frown. 

“Just a feeling,” she shrugged, eyes cast down to her hands as she twisted them in her lap. 

She let a long pause fill the silence before it all came rushing out, “Sometimes it’s tough, with the sign language. He can sign so fast and I’m still learning that he ends up having to repeat himself several times or he just gets so frustrated and will bring out his phone or iPad. This communication barrier has definitely been a struggle at times.”

"You're at least trying to make things easier," Leia soothed with a hand on the thigh. "Just imagine how many people interact with him that have no clue what he's trying to say. Or how they think he's just being rude. Not to say this hasn't been tough on you too. I know it has, but if anyone will make this situation work, it's the two of you."

“I hope so,” she sighed, “I just want it to be enough. For him. He can just be so damn stubborn.”

Leia chuckled at that, a grin stretching across her aged face. "Well, he _is_ a Solo, and a Skywalker. Those men tend to be some of the most stubborn you'll come across, I've found."

Nodding with a small laugh of her own, she leaned back on the couch and thumbed through one of the old albums of a baby Ben. Fawning over his full head of black hair and ears that were already a bit too big for his small body. 

She found herself imagining what their babies would look like if they ever got that far. _Did_ he want to go that far with her? Sure they had moved in together, but plenty of things could happen that could result in them not staying together. 

Frowning, Rey shut the album with a small shake of her head. Quashing down any lingering fears about the future. Ben wasn’t like her parents or even her foster families that she jumped around to. He wouldn’t leave her. Would he?


End file.
